Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist
Resources
- Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum
- You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child
- You had the right for basic resources
- Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid
- What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’
- My house = my rules is blackmail
- Children don’t owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered
Physical abuse
- You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence
- If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?
- Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work
- You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive
- Why do parents hit, manipulate and traumatize children
Blatant Lies
- Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak
- They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘
- You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse
- You got too affected by it’ is a lie
- Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse
- ‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense
- You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.
- Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse
- Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse
- Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy
- You are not abusive for resisting abuse
- When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse
- Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you
Psychological abuse
- Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing
- Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids
- If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t
- Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you
- Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma
- Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse
- Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred
- It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse
- Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills
- Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage
- Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm
- References to how healthy parenting looks like
- Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse
- If parents want you to act the way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous
- Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you
- Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety
- Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships
- Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad child’ is a shame tactic to control you
- There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores
- Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting
- If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive
- Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse
- Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong
- Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture
If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist
“forgive all the versions of yourself that operated out of fear instead of growth, the ones that viewed comfort zones as safe havens and abandoned boundaries to keep other people happy, forgive all the versions of yourself that didn’t know that love begins with how you treat you.”
— iambrillyant
“Listen. I wish I could tell you it gets better. But, it doesn’t get better. You get better.”— Joan Rivers
The best revenge is none. Heal, move on, and don’t become like those who hurt you.
Here is your reminder that you do not have to be perfect in the new year.
You are human and you are allowed to struggle and make mistakes just as much as every other time.
Make goals if you would like!!
But also remember that there is no pressure to.
You cannot become a new person overnight and it’s not fair to expect that of yourself.
